Coke whore masc lesbian raids Ornaments

Riddled with grief from the death of her beloved Tamagotchi, Philly wanna-be, Meredith M., ransacked the Willowbrook Croc’s store of their lot of ornaments.

The hate-motivated heinous misdemeanor took place at 4:16 a.m. Monday morning and lasted an impressive four minutes and 37 seconds, the quickest any heist of its kind has been performed to-date.

The Croc-crook made out with 2,748 ornaments, formerly called gibbets, and most popular among three- to seven-year-old neurodivergent boys.

When apprehended by local authorities, the suspect proclaimed, “I’m literally just a girl,” before unsheathing a blunt. “I can’t miss four 20,” she mumbled, exhaling a smoky breath.

The motive is still unknown, however a manifesto was drunkenly posted to the suspect’s private Snapchat story hours before the thievery occurred. “I just can’t do it anymore,” Meredith cried, referencing the grief which fell upon her after seeing her beloved Tamagotchi deceased.

This is a developing story, and this article will be updated as more details are revealed.